Respected for her net worth? Yes. Respected for her cooking skills? No.
Respected for her awesome boobies? Yes. Respected for her cooking skills? No
There is no such thing as an average female line cook. They are either complete badasses or pretty much worthless. There have been a few select women that stick out in my mind as being instrumental to what food has become. They have overcome what is often considered a “man’s world,” and made a name for themselves. And those women are:
Alice Waters
Respected for: Shaping west coast cuisine, leading the organic movement, having one of the most amazing restaurants of all time, making people think about what they are eating and where it came from, first woman to ever be named the James Beard Foundations Best Chef in America (1992)
Alumni: Mark Peel (Campanile), Dan Barber (Blue Hill), Judy Rogers (Zuni Cafe), Suzanne Goin (Lucques), Jeremiah Tower (Stars), Paul Bertolli (Fra’ Mani), Jonathan Waxman (Barbuto), Michael Tusk (Quince), April Bloomfield (The Spotted Pig)
Julia Child
Respected for: Encouraging people cook good food at home, making French food approachable, bringing food to television, inspiring so many people
Judy Rodgers
Respected for: Authoring one of the most useful and well written cookbooks of all time, making the simplest of foods elegant, the best roast chicken of all time
Suzanne Goin
Respected for: Bringing Los Angeles back into fine dining, working her employees hard while accepting nothing short of perfection (I was one of them), being a leader in the fresh/local food movement
Resume: Chez Panisse, Olives, Alain Passard
Elena Arzak
Respected for: Expanding the legacy her father started in Spain, innovative cuisine, running one of the most successful and highly acclaimed restaurants in Europe, being insanely talented
Resume: La Gavroche, Louis XV, Pierre Gagniere, El Bulli
Nancy Silverton
Respected for: Making the best bread in the world, bringing the bakery back into the spotlight, branching out and bringing artisan style pizza into California cuisine, awesome hair
Summary
I have had the opportunity to work with and for some amazing women in my career. They have had an amazing work ethic along with great attention to detail. The funny thing is, the best pastry chef I have ever worked with was a heavy metal loving, semi-alcoholic, unshaven dude.
The internet is bullshit, minus the porn of course. It has the potential to ruin the restaurant business, and let me explain why.
1) Yelp/Citysearch
These websites have turned any piece of shit out there into Ruth Reichl or Frank Bruni. Housewives everywhere now have an outlet to be a restaurant reviewer. So much of the public’s opinions regarding the total restaurant experience are completely uneducated. Opening up restaurant reviews to people that have no clue what they are talking about is highly dangerous. With the popularity of these websites growing, restaurants could see a real hit. The website http://fuckyouyelper.tumblr.com/ highlights some of the shitty things people write in there bullshit reviews. Here is my favorite:
Well, I’ve never even eaten here. So why, you ask, do I even bother to rate this place? Because I did walk in here, sit down, and read the menu. Then I looked at my friends and said, “There’s no way I can eat this.” It was all grease and fat and a whole buncha yuck jumbled together. NO WAY. Im just not into that kind of eating or food combinations..so Not appealing to me. So we left. yet, its a local institution of sorts. Oh well.
Aside from the horrible grammar and punctuation issues, this review was seriously amazing. Considering it was for a Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. The name of the restaurant pretty much states what you’re getting into.
The actual sites themselves are to blame as well. They often “filter” out positive reviews based on the reviewer not having enough reviews on their profile. This is supposed to prevent the business from writing false reviews about themselves, but that is not always the case. Not everyone wants to review everything that they do or see. Some people would simply like to be able to review things here and there.
I have actually seen businesses offer rewards or discounts based directly on their customers leaving them positive reviews. This type of thing not being able to be filtered completely invalidates these websites too.
2) Groupon/Living Social
These websites have there place in this world, just not in restaurants. Offering your food at a large discount just to get people through the door is culinary suicide. It reeks of desperation and has the potential to seriously hurt a restaurant. The type of people that come into the restaurant for a half price dinner will more than likely not be willing to return and pay double for the same meal. The sheer hit that something like that can do to your food cost is huge. It has the potential to totally fuck your business. Not only are you losing the price of the discounted meal, but you also have to pay the website a percentage of each coupon sold.
They won’t tell you this when they contact you about being a part of their business. They will fill your head with facts about how awesome their company is and have tons of examples of successful businesses that have benefited from their program. Think about it this way. You have a $24 entree on your menu that you’re going to sell for $12. You then give the company $6 of that. It doesn’t make all that much sense now, does it?
To sum it all up, the internet will destroy the entire restaurant business. Not really, but it has the potential to seriously hurt a few restaurants.
And now, for no reason at all, I present to you a brief timeline of my career, in picture form.
It all started with a little man and his love of food
Soon after I was making awesome wedding cakes
I peaked, with pork
I retired. Now, I cook for a party of 4 with the most talented sous chef of all time
I can have open beers on my station and take my sweet time
For the most part, we all love each other in the kitchen. Sometimes that love is intense, and sometimes that love is expressed is in unusual ways. It might even get a little out of hand. I really wish that a true reality show would be made about cooks. The world needs to see an accurate depiction of what a cook’s life is really like. Peoples minds have been tainted by the bullshit they see on television. You are not rewarded for having a good dinner service, it is expected. But let’s get back to the point, kitchens can get a little homoerotic at times. Think about it, you’re stuck in a confined space working elbow to elbow with sweaty dudes (for the most part) all day. We are bound to lose our minds a little bit. Don’t get me wrong, there is no man on man action happening, but things do get a bit crazy. Let me explain:
1) Throughout the day, anything that even mildly resembles a dick will in fact be used as one.
Various sexual activities will also be simulated with said objects
2) After a long, tiresome day in the kitchen we will all go out together. While we are out, we will consume large amounts amounts of alcohol. After consuming the alcohol, we will tell each other how much we love each. Occasionally, we will prove our love for one another.
3) Camera phones have changed everything. Things that you used to do just to get a laugh, are no longer private. Someone will take a picture and capture the moment forever.
So let’s wrap this up before it gets out of hand. Cooks love each other and we are not afraid to show each other. I’m not sure if any other professions out there have the camaraderie that kitchens do. I consider my fellow cooks to be an extension of my family. We understand each other and like to be around one another. It’s not gay at all, I promise.
Students at the San Francisco branch of Le Cordon Bleu culinary school
Justin Sullivan / Getty Images
The idea of becoming a gourmet chef and maybe even owning your own restaurant someday is one of those enduring fantasies that percolate through each generation. And today, with the popularity of starmaking competition shows like Bravo’s Top Chef and Food Network’s Iron Chef, the concept of cooking your way to a new career is even more alluring. So perhaps it’s no surprise that the bottom lines of for-profit education companies in the business of selling those chef’s-hat dreams are soaring.
As the economy continues to limp along, the drive to get a leg up in competitive fields like gourmet cooking is only increasing. Overall enrollment at for-profit trade schools, which include culinary schools, has expanded by about 20% a year for the past two years, according to the Association of Private Sector Colleges & Universities, a group that represents for-profit schools nationwide. For example, one company, the Career Education Corp., which operates 17 culinary schools in the U.S., has seen enrollment increase by more than 46% since 2008, according to company spokesman Mark Spencer.(See “The 20 Best- and Worst-Paid College Majors.”)
And the students flocking to attend culinary schools are paying a pretty penny. According to data recently released by the Department of Education, tuition at a culinary school can run upwards of $30,000. For example, the Orlando branch of Le Cordon Bleu (LCB) charges $35,130 for its 21-month associate’s degree in culinary arts. Thanks in part to that hefty price tag, LCB’s parent company, the Career Education Corp., has seen its profits balloon. Last year the company reported revenue of $1.84 billion, a 63% increase from 2007.
But the numbers aren’t as good for students at culinary schools. Many enroll sold on the idea of being a chef but wake up to the harsh reality of low-paying line-cook jobs and mountains of debt on graduation. About 800 current and former students are involved in a class action in California that alleges that the LCB branch in Pasadena, formerly called the California School of Culinary Arts, “falsely led students to believe they would be able to obtain employment as chefs after graduation — and make a chef’s salary, thereby enabling them to pay off their loans within a reasonable period of time,” according to Michael Louis Kelly, an attorney representing the students.
One of those students, Daniel Vasquez, says he has had difficulty finding work other than as a line cook — a lower-paying job that he likely could have gotten without footing the bill for culinary school. Vasquez became interested in the culinary institute after seeing a commercial on TV that he says led him to believe that if he went to the school he would become a chef. When he enrolled in 2005, he says, he was told by an admissions officer that on graduation it would be “easy” for him to obtain a job as a sous chef (an apprentice chef) for which he could expect to start at $18 an hour. Vasquez was so convinced that he took out $65,018 in loans to cover the tuition for the 18-month program ($45,148), as well as associated fees, supplies, his uniform and living expenses.
In the years since graduation, Vasquez, for the most part, has been unable to find culinary jobs that pay more than $10 to $12 an hour and as a result has been unable to make payments on his loans. And although the school changed its recruitment materials nationwide in July 2009 to make it clear students cannot expect to be chefs on graduation — it now lists more realistic postgraduation career opportunities — that’s cold comfort to Vasquez, who is now nearly $80,000 in debt. “I’m not sure I will ever be able to pay it off,” Vasquez told TIME. “I never would have borrowed the money if I knew I wouldn’t be able to repay it. I went to this school so I could be ahead, jump-start my future, but now, who knows.”(Read about the cult of the celebrity chef.)
That’s the problem, says Eric Greenspan, rising Food Network star and head chef and owner of the Foundry on Melrose, a high-end restaurant in Los Angeles. He thinks students enroll in the programs hoping to skip to the head of the pack, only to find out that they still have to start at the bottom. In entry-level cooking jobs like that of a line cook or work with a caterer, a typical starting wage is $9 to $10 an hour, Greenspan says. “These kids are paying law-school prices, and [culinary schools] are training them for minimum-wage jobs.” He says students would be better off getting their foot in the door with a chef they admire and working very hard to climb their way to the top. “How do rock stars become famous? They work hard. They don’t go to guitar schools,” he says.
That argument taps into the perennial debate over the usefulness of higher education: Are creative careers like cooking, fashion design and even journalism best learned by going to school or by getting your foot in the door and training on the job? One of the largest benefits of going to school is making connections to people in the field. That was true for Jim Hanson, who graduated from LCB’s Minneapolis branch nine months ago. He says the $34,000 or so he paid for his associate’s degree in baking and pastry arts was worth the cost — even though he had to take out student loans — in large part because the school connected him to his current employer. As a student worker at the school while he attended classes, Hanson was introduced to the owner of Chez Arnaud, a French bakery in Minneapolis, where he now works as head baker (and recently won a local award for “Best Baguette”). “It was all worth it,” he told TIME. “Without [Le Cordon Bleu], I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere near this job.” Hanson, who estimates that he will be able to pay off his student loans in five to 10 years, says the cost of the program was intimidating at first since he would “be paying for this for a while,” but ultimately he decided it was a financial risk he was willing to take. “This was an investment I wanted to make for myself,” he says.
And it’s true that the onus is on the students to make sure their aspirations are realistic in relation to their budgets and their local job market. “Students are always making an informed decision and should fully understand what is involved,” says Brian Moran, the interim president of the Association of Private Sector Colleges & Universities. “If they are taking loans, they need to understand their responsibilities — the total picture.” And, of course, no degree can guarantee a job. “The education our students receive from experienced chef instructors puts them on a career path,” says spokesman Mark Spencer. “But as with all education, it’s no guarantee of success.”
But as Greenspan notes, culinary schools do a very good job of tapping into the psyches of wannabe chefs. “Culinary schools sell people on their love of cooking,” he says. “They’re selling the dream.” Indeed, a recent advertisement on Google for the Arizona Culinary Institute, a private, for-profit school that charges $25,990 for its nine-month program, read, “Ready to follow your dream?” But if the number of competitors on Top Chef and The Next Iron Chef has proved anything, it’s that while there are a lot of people who want to be chefs, far fewer see those dreams come true.
- Taken from time.com
Let’s start from the beginning. Television shows such as “Top Chef” and “Iron Chef” shouldn’t be blamed for kids having minimal success upon graduation from culinary school. I have never seen a contestant on either of those shows whose job description is “recent culinary school graduate.” The majority of contestants on either show run very successful restaurants around the country and have spent a lot of time honing their skills. I’m sure they started working either washing dishes or prepping for minimum wage. Most of them probably spent a few years working for free and soaking up as much knowledge as they possibly could. On the other hand, all of the contestants on “Hell’s Kitchen” are totally talentless pieces of shit that have no business being in a kitchen. They are the assholes that I spent years firing and reducing to tears.
Next, lets take a look at one of these bullshit culinary school commercials. Let me break it down for you.
-What is that bullshit cream sauce and why is it being poured over a sliced chicken breast with raw tomatoes around the plate. At least the garnish was creative………dried parsley flakes. They always “set it off.”
-”Love to Cook?” It should say “Do you love to make no money while spending your nights in small, insanely hot spaces next to degenerates with sharp knives and direct access to fire?” It takes a lot more than the love of cooking to spend your life in a kitchen. Let me simplify it for you. I’m sure most of you like jacking off, but it’s probably not a smart career choice. For most people at least.
-Little blonde girl in the floppy hat needs a hair net
-”Prepare to become a chef.’” No, this school will not do that. The proper way to prepare would be to work hard, learn and stay humble.
-That cantaloupe bowl full of berries is a complete embarassment
-Ah, there is Blondie again selecting wine pairings for the evenings tasting menu. Wait a second, I totally read that wrong. She is actually an extern from the culinary school and they are drinking in the basement after a hard shift. Mr. Busboy turned sommelier is dropping some bullshit line about the wine being old world and full-bodied. Twenty minutes later the wine is gone and she is being bent over a case of Korbel. That what really happens.
-”This could be your perfect career!” This statement is absolutely true. If you love the rough neck kitchen lifestyle and that is the only thing that makes you happy, then it could be the perfect career. Otherwise, it will break you down and make you cry yourself to sleep at night.
-You don’t need the free brochure to find out how to land a “hot culinary career.” Skip the phone call, find a job working for someone you respect and work hard. That’s really all it takes.
If a commercial like this one really inspires you to fork over the money for culinary school, you more than likely are wasting your money. People who spend the time and become a chef knew that’s what they wanted long before they were sitting on their couch watching Jerry Springer and wondering what to do with their lives. They are passionate about food and that’s all they could ever imagine doing. They go home at the end of the night after working long hours and think about their mise en place for the next day. They dream about new dishes and flavor combinations. Cooking is their life, not something they like to do.
Let’s talk about this lawsuit. 800 students are suing a culinary school because they “falsely led students to believe they would be able to obtain employment as chefs after graduation.” This should be thrown out immediately without wasting anyone’s time or money. You can become a chef upon graduation, if you work hard enough and put your time in. I actually am a graduate of the exact culinary school being sued. I believed I was going to become a chef after I graduated and that I was going to be paid a good salary as soon as I had my diploma in hand. I graduated and spent years working hard for next to nothing. Did I blame the school ? No, I realized I had to work hard if I wanted to eventually become a chef someday. It’s not the schools fault these 800 students are not chefs, it all a reflection upon the students themselves.
Now let’s get to the issue with Daniel Vasquez. He was informed by an admissions officer that he could easily find a Sous Chef gig paying $18/hour upon graduation. First of all , a Sous Chef is not an apprentice chef, but we will blame that fuck up on the author of the article. Secondly, the chances of becoming upper management in any career after completing an 18th month certificate program is slim to none. Do I blame the admissions officer? No way, I blame Mr. Vasquez. He should have researched his career choice a lot more before dropping $65,000. Most people these days are looking for the easy way out, as I believe he is. He is a line cook making shitty money at some bullshit restaurant and saw this lawsuit as a way to make a few extra bucks without having to work for it.
The bottom line is this. Working in restaurants is not easy. Becoming a Chef is even harder. Very few people become successful chefs and even fewer are recognized for their success. It takes a lot of hard work to make it through a night of service in a busy kitchen, and you will not be compensated well for that work. You have to have dreams of becoming a chef because you love the business, not because you want to be rich and famous. Simply “loving to cook” is not nearly enough.
I often lay awake in bed, daydreaming about one day owning my own restaurant. I think about everything from each dish I would put on the menu, to who I would have on the line next to me. Sometimes these daydreams last hours and often prevent me from getting anything close to a good night of sleep. Over the last few months, I have been keeping a list of my thoughts. Some are genius, some are simple revisions to things that have been done before and some and some are plain crazy. Here is an outline to the restaurant of my future:
The Concept
The overall vibe to the restaurant would be small and modern. Tan paint with some chocolate brown accent walls. Minimal artwork and mild, intimate lighting. It would need to be small, between 40 and 60 seats with a few more high-tops and stools at the bar. The tables would be dark, polished wood without tablecloths. No bullshit like candles or wine bottles on the table, maybe just a small peppermill and a vessel for salt. The music would be louder than most restaurants with a wide range of music. Everything from the Pixies and The Cure to A Tribe Called Quest and The Pharcyde. The feeling would be relaxed and unpretentious, with the focus being on the food rather than the décor.
The Kitchen
* The kitchen would be setup in five basic stations:
1. Fish: This station would be run by the single greatest line cook I have ever worked with, Lorenzo. His station would consist of a six top range and a French top to the right that he would share with the meat station. A long salamander would be located above him and stretch the length of the line. All fish entrees, as well as hot apps would be fired on his station.
2. Meat: Owning this station would be a man I would trust on the line, no matter the circumstance. His name of Ryan, unless you are a Hispanic, which then his name becomes Bryum. His station would consist of a large charcoal grill and the other half of the French top that he shares with Lorenzo. Not only would he be responsible for all meat entrees but he would act as the saucier as well. Constantly reducing and mounting sauces on the flat top.
3. Pasta: This would be my home away from home. I would be positioned at the end of the line and act as expeditor as well. I would produce all the pasta dishes as well as veg for the other entrees.
4. Cold: The cold station would be located directly across from the hot line, creating a alley in between for food to be picked up. It would be a 2-man station ran by interns and “virgins” (the idea of virgins will be described later in the post). They would create all salads, cold apps, fried items and plating of charcuterie.
5. The Rover: In a perfect world, this station would be run by the most talented culinary mind I know, Douglas. He would be positioned in the alley between all the stations. He would see every single plate before it leaves the kitchen. He would place final garnishes and keep tickets organized, making sure the right food went to the right place. He would also know every dish on the menu and be able to hop on any station at anytime to pull people out of the weeds.
Here is a mock up of the kitchen setup:
Yes, it is drawn in crayon. And yes, my food looks better than my artwork.
The Menu
Our menu would be simple and approachable. The basic menu would change four times throughout the year with the four seasons. It would always consist of 2 fish entrees, 2 grilled meat entrees, a braised meat entrée, 2 pastas, 3 cold apps, 3 hot apps as well as a few salads and various desserts. Instead of having a pastry chef, each cook would be responsible for the creation and execution of one dessert. There would also be 2 app and four entrée specials everyday. A charcuterie plate would be also be on the menu everyday. It would simply be served on a butcher block and contain a large selection of cured meats, pickled veg and plenty of condiments. It would constantly be changing as the various sausages and cured meats became ready. The theme of the menu would not be based on a certain cuisine of the world, but rather on what is fresh and available.
The Chef’s Table
I feel like the idea of having a true chef’s table has been overlooked in our society, we would change that. It would be a table with a full view of the happenings in the kitchen. You would get to see the good and the bad. No menus would be handed out, you would simply be fed what we would like to feed you and it would keep coming until you asked it to stop. The chef who created the dish would bring it to you and fully explain it to you. You would never see a server or need to order a drink. If you are a picky eater, please don’t ask for the chef’s table. Allergies would be taken into consideration, but the experience would be a lot less awesome. Eating at this table you would be treated like royalty.
The Schedule
Closed Mondays (meetings and menu planning would take place as needed)
Open Tuesday through Sunday 3 – 11
Happy hour from 3-5 everyday with drink specials and full menu served
Every first Sunday of the month, the last seating would be at 9, we would re-open from 11-2 for “Family Meal.” It would be a time for people in the service industry to come in and hang out. You would show your food handlers card and pay a flat fee to get in. We would have a keg and some bottles of cheap wine, as well as a few platters of charcuterie and other tasty vittles to enjoy. The music would be loud and it would just be a night full of love between fellow kitchen slaves.
The Basic Daily Routine
9:00 A.M. – I roll in and get prep lists together, finish various paperwork and get set up for the day. I figure out family meal, get the radio turned on and start rolling out pasta.
12:00 P.M. – Cooks, and externs roll in and start to get to work on their prep lists. Stations begin to get set up and orders are received and put away. Minimal talking takes place to ensure focus.
1:00 P.M. – Specials are put up in the pass and everyone gathers around to taste and discuss any changes that need to be made. We all get our final mise done and proteins pulled.
2:00 P.M. – Family meal and shit talking commence.
3:00 P.M. – Game faces on and radio turned off. We turn from relaxed and chatty to focused and quiet.
—————————- Service Commences and we Kill It ——————————–
9:00 P.M. – I hop off the line, do all of the ordering and get some office work done
11:00 P.M. – Service is done, radio is turned back on and we all rally out putting food away and cleaning up.
12:00 A.M. – Lorenzo breaks down and season’s proteins (always season proteins the night before, thanks to a Judy Rogers). Ryan works on stocks/sauces. Douglas and I make charcuterie magic. One virgin assists where prep is needed and the other one mans the dry erase board. As we work and crack a few beers, we brainstorm specials for the next day and they are all written down on the dry erase board (an extensive collection of cookbooks and reference materials would also be located in the kitchen).
1:00 A.M. – We finalize our specials based on our brainstorming session and place and final orders accordingly. From here we either go our separate ways and head home, or try and get a few cocktails at a local bar before last call.
The “Virgins”
I am referring to people that have little or no experience in a kitchen at all. These are the people we want working here. These are the people we love. We enjoy “bringing them up,” and showing them the things we have learned in our years in kitchens. They are such an important part in the operations of our kitchen. They would always be treated with respect, but also be put through the school of hard knocks. If they didn’t listen or made a stupid mistake they would be put in their place. If they needed to, they would be allowed to cry and hold their heads in shame. The next day the slate would be wiped clean and they would start fresh. I am not a fan of screaming and yelling in the kitchen, but I also feel like kitchen employees should not be coddled either.
The Front of House
I idolize Chef Michael Carlson of Schwa in Chicago. He has opened a very successful and amazing restaurant without having servers in the dining room. It is every chef’s dream to work in an operation like this, but I don’t feel like I could go that route. I feel like servers are a very important link in a restaurant. The key is hiring servers that give a shit about the food being produced. Servers in my restaurant would have to understand the food being served. Server training would involve working multiple shifts next to a chef at the pass before ever working the floor. This not only ensures that they would know and understand every dish, but it would also allow them the time to ask any possible question they might have about the food. On the other hand, I would have all new kitchen employees spend a shift trailing an experienced server and running food. This would also have them gain a respect for the servers as well as understanding the flow of the restaurant. Camaraderie between the front and the back of the house is so important to running a successful shift. I have never worked in a restaurant where this has come to fruition and I would accept nothing less.
The Conclusion
This restaurant would be amazing. Enough said. Now……..where can I get the money to make it happen?
They key to being a great cook is a grasp of the basics. You have to be able to execute the simplest of dishes, and be consistent night after night. So, you think you’re a good cook? You think you’re a fucking all-star? Prove it!
* Can you cook a sunny side up egg perfectly? I don’t mean can you break the yolk three times in a row and the fourth one comes out perfectly. You need to be able to have the yolk be perfect and have the whites not be runny twenty times in a row while working twelve other pans at the same time.
* Can you small dice twenty onions in a timely manner? Really, I mean small dice them, not hack them to shreds. That double knife chopping bullshit you see on Iron Chef won’t fly here. Just use one knife, and cut them small on the first try.
* Can you tell when a steak or burger is cooked medium by touching it? Grabbing that beautiful piece of meat and piercing it with your tongs so you can get a look inside is bullshit. When you do that, I want to grab your tongs and shove them right up your ass. Shit like that compromises the meat and it’s just not acceptable.
* Can you mis en place your memory? Can you remember what you have working and on deck at all times? Nothing proves your epic hackiness more than asking for all days after every few tickets. If you have a shitty memory and are not good at mental organization you will never be an asset in any kitchen.
* Can you work neatly and efficiently while getting fucked? Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m not talking about sex. I’m asking if you can keep your station clean and organized on a busy Saturday night while simultaneously working twenty tickets. Nothing will make you look more like an incompetent asshole than having a messy station while you’re weeded.
* Have you ever run out of something during service and been completely surprised? You should always know how much of everything you have, period. You think you getting anywhere close to having to 86 something? Tell the Chef sooner rather than later, it will prevent you from being verbally and possibly physically abused.
Until you can do all of these things, please do not consider yourself a bad ass. Do not ask for a raise and do not expect to be promoted. You would be surprised at how many people consider themselves to be good cooks. The majority of them are actually retards with a pair of tongs, a starched jacket and a shiny knife.
The following article was printed in Details Magazine.
DAVID CHANG’S TOP 5 MOST ANNOYING THINGS CUSTOMERS DO
5. SAYING THEY’RE RIGHT WHEN THEY’RE WRONG. LIKE WHEN THEY ASK FOR A STEAK TO BE MEDIUM-RARE AND IT’S MEDIUM-RARE AND THEY SAY IT’S NOT MEDIUM-RARE.
4. SPECIAL FOOD REQUESTS.*
3. FAKE ALLERGIES.
2. BEING FUCKING DRUNK. IT’S JUST SO ANNOYING.
1. BLOGGERS WHO DON’T KNOW SHIT. THE TOP ONE IS TO SAY YOU’RE A BLOGGER, RIGHT OFF THE BAT. THAT ALWAYS GETS A GOOD LAUGH FROM THE CHEFS.
*DETAILS: IT’S SURPRISING THAT YOU DIDN’T SAY VEGETARIANS. DAVID CHANG: THAT’S THE SPECIAL REQUESTS. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. I’M NOT AGAINST ALL VEGETARIANS. BUT IF YOU’RE A VEGETARIAN FOR ETHICAL REASONS, YOU MAY BE CAUSING MORE HARM. I USE THIS EXAMPLE: I WAS AT A WEDDING, AND AT THE RECEPTION EVERYONE WAS EATING LOCAL LOBSTER AND CLAMS, BUT A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDS WERE LIKE, “NO, WE WANT THE VEGETARIAN OPTION.” AND IT’S FUCKING VEGETABLES FROM EVERY CORNER OF THE FUCKING PLANET. REALLY? THEY DON’T WANT TO POLLUTE THE EARTH, THEY DON’T WANT TO SUPPORT FACTORY FARMING, BUT FACTORY COMMODITY FARMING IS FUCKING AWFUL. AND NOT ONLY THAT, IT’S ALMOST SLAVE LABOR. THAT POOR FUCKING PERSON WHO HARVESTED YOUR ASPARAGUS FROM PERU MIGHT HAVE DIED BECAUSE YOU WANTED A FUCKING GODDAMN ASPARAGUS IN AUGUST. WHICH DOESN’T HAPPEN. IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A VEGETARIAN, LIMIT YOURSELF TO FOOD FROM A PLACE YOU CAN GO TO IN TWO HOURS AND JUST EAT THAT. DO IT, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.
—BY JESSE ASHLOCK
I appreciate a Chef not caring about repercussions and being honest in the media. This guy is a serious badass and a role model to us all. Here is the rest of the article:
Q&A: CHEF DAVID CHANG
THE MAN BEHIND NEW YORK CITY’S MOMOFUKU RESTAURANTS IS TRYING TO RELAX MORE. BUT HE’S NOT LETTING THAT GET IN THE WAY OF BUILDING HIS GLOBAL EMPIRE.
Since opening a humble noodle bar in Manhattan’s East Village nearly seven years ago, David Chang has rapidly become one of America’s most talked-about chefs, building a mini-empire of Momofuku restaurants in New York City, each of which combines Asian and American influences to create a new kind of cuisine that’s both adventurous and accessible. Now he’s taking his celebrated pork buns and fried chicken international by launching a new Momofuku in Sydney later this year and a pair in Toronto in 2012. Plus there’s Lucky Peach, a just-launched quarterly iPad app and accompanying McSweeney’s-published journal. The volatile chef spoke to Details about his plans for global domination, anger management, and why “farm-to-table” is a bunch of baloney.
DETAILS: You’ve talked about your food being quintessentially American. What do you mean by that? David Chang: We don’t have a rich food culture. If you ask what people say what American cuisine is, they cannot really do it. I don’t know what it is. So yeah, this is what I say American food is. I think we get so single-minded about trying to categorize things that we forget about the big picture, and that is, does it taste good?
DETAILS: How has your routine changed in the nearly seven years since you opened Momofuku Noodle Bar? David Chang: It’s changed so much. I did everything, from cooking to dishwashing to doing the books… Now I’m doing this interview with you. You couldn’t ask for a starker difference. There’s no way I would have been able to think that, yes, this is where I’ll be one day.
DETAILS: But I’ve also heard that you’re pretty ambivalent about the idea of celebrity chefs—is that true? David Chang: Everyone tries to compare cooks to rock stars. I see more comparisons to the fashion world. In fashion, you have one to two to three designers who actually do something new. Everyone else just fucking regurgitates and copies and steals and takes esoteric ideas from 20 or 30 years ago. And when there is something better, not everyone embraces it.
DETAILS: In the past, you’ve pushed yourself so hard that you’ve made yourself ill. Are you still a workaholic? David Chang: I think it’s different for New York chefs, because you have to do two, three, four turns of your entire restaurant to stay in business. That’s just for dinner. I make the comparison to the one-running-back system in the NFL. You don’t see that anymore. It just chews people up too fast. In other places you can do a one-running-back system because you’re not getting that many carries, but this place just fucking runs you into the ground. I really feel that every time you serve a customer, finish a ticket, a bit of your fucking soul goes with it. After a while, you just get fucking burnt out.
DETAILS So how do you combat that? David Chang: About 2009, I realized I needed to make some changes. There were points in my life where I literally would be like, “I would kill this person—is it worth going to jail for the rest of my life to rid them from my fucking consciousness?” Because they were fucking up so bad. I’d be yelling at the top of my lungs and I’d get so angry that I might die. I was getting these terrible migraines. Now I can’t get angry. It takes too much energy. I would wake up angry, go to bed angry. I was so full of fucking hate and rage—for six years straight. I remember the day very clearly. I had just turned 32 and I was like, “If I keeled over and died at 32 because I was yelling at a fucking kid who wasn’t condensing food properly… that is the dumbest way to go out.”
DETAILS: But part of you does thrive on getting a rise out of people, wouldn’t you say, by doing things like making fun of Bay Area cuisine? David Chang: No, I wasn’t making fun! I feel like I’m that dude who can’t believe everyone misquotes him. I don’t try to get a rise out of anyone. I say something and people seem to find that makes good print or copy or whatever the fuck you guys do. It was totally taken out of context. I had gone on at great lengths about how much I appreciate San Francisco cuisine and how much I adore Alice Waters. And do I stand by what I said? Absolutely! Is the culinary scene in San Francisco as diverse as the rest of the culture there—sexually, artistically? I don’t think so. I’m not a fucking politician, I’m not a fucking speechwriter, but if I could go back and articulate it a different way, that’s what I would fucking say: Do something to your fucking food.
DETAILS: People have been clamoring for you to open in L.A. for years. It seems like you’d have a lot of fun with the produce out there. David Chang: Absolutely! I think the best restaurants in America should be in California. It’s the land of fucking everything… but everywhere you go, everyone wants rustic Italian shit. I have nothing against that. Chez Panisse is one of my favorite restaurants. But does every restaurant have to be that? No! And everyone’s opening up these fucking farm-to-table bullshit restaurants. How else are you supposed to cook? You’re supposed to get the best ingredients possible. Do you want a pat on the back?
DETAILS: You’re expanding to Sydney this fall. How did you choose that city for your first restaurant outside of New York? David Chang: I was there last year and just fell in love with Australia—holy shit, the produce, the proteins, the fish. This place is insane. Why wouldn’t you want to open a restaurant out here? We’re going to try to use only Australian ingredients, with the exception of some fermented products from Japan and some wines from France. We’re also going to open Momofuku Toronto in 2012. I will always love New York, and it will always be my home, but why wouldn’t I want to explore the amazing bounty of Toronto?
DETAILS: Restaurants are a low-margin business, so you’re probably not rolling around in piles of cash. Do people assume that you’re loaded because of the accolades and the success? David Chang: It’s a misconception that chefs are rich. Some are, and goddamn it, they deserve it. And our business is growing. But did I get into this business to make money? No. Anyone who gets into this business to become rich and famous is a fucking moron.
DETAILS: So no plans for a David Chang line of frozen pork buns? David Chang: I’m not going to say that’s not going to happen. That arc’s going to happen. I’ve turned down deals that potentially would have made me a lot of fucking money. It would be nice to have money in the bank. I don’t. I leverage everything. All my shit’s on the line.
Are you married to a chef, or thinking about dating one? Do you understand your role as a chef’s wife? Let me go ahead and lay it all out there for you.
1. Do not complain about the hours we work. The more that you whine and bitch about the long days and absent nights, the longer we want to stay at work. We will find extra shit to do before we leave to buy a few extra minutes of peace before going home and listening to your bullshit. Another thing, if we say we will be home at 1 and we walk in the door at 2, please don’t ask why we are late. We were busy.
2. Do not call the restaurant to talk to us unless it is an absolute emergency. Emergencies are limited to someone being dead, almost dead or something being on fire. The worst thing you could do would be to call the kitchen to ask what time we are going to be home. This actually happened to me a long time ago and the kitchen phone was subsequently thrown at the wall and broken. Trying to reach us on our cell phone is also unacceptable. Having your man pick up his cell phone on the line is putting his life in extreme danger. He will be either verbally or physically abused and you will be to blame. The one exception to this rule is a simple text message letting us know that you can’t wait until we get home so that you can blow us. Any call or text of a sexual nature is always accepted and greatly encouraged. You can be our “sexual sous” anytime.
3. Do not expect us to come home and cook you a tasting menu. When we cook at home we don’t want the same pressure we have at work. It’s like asking a stripper to give you a lap dance when she gets home, it’s just not happening. Another thing, please don’t try to make us five-star meals at home. We want you to cook us the stuff that we know and love. We would much rather have you make us a casserole or your famous beef stew, than try to make some sorry ass attempt at coq au vin. Stick to what you know, it’s called comfort food for a reason.
4. Please do not tell us how shitty we look or how bad we smell when we walk through the door after a long shift. You think we don’t know our hair is messed up and we smell like crap. The combination of fryer grease, sweat, raw garlic and fish residue will never be the new Drakkar Noir. Trust me, we know that. How bout you throw those clothes in the laundry and bring me a cold beer while I take a shower.
5. Don’t touch our knives or tools. Get your own set, and only use those. My wife couldn’t even tell you what my knives look at, and that’s the way it should be.
If you can live with these things, then go ahead and marry that chef. If not, go to your local bank and find your new man there. He will pull those long 9 to 5 shifts and come home in his shirt and tie every night. He will probably be stoked on that shitty chicken recipe you jacked from Rachel Ray too.
A few nights ago I went out to eat at a “fairly reputable” restaurant with a chef friend of mine who was in town for the night. The food, service and atmosphere left a lot to be desired. I went home that night and sat in bed thinking about every shitty detail I experienced that night. The next morning I woke up to the following email from my fellow dining companion.
Authors Note: the names of the guilty parties have been changed to protect them. You can search the internet and easily find many very poor reviews of many restaurants written by the general public. They have the power to affect a restaurant’s business without actually having any knowledge of food, cooking, dining or the restaurant industry. I am not that guy. I have 15 years of living the life of a cook and a chef. And because of that, I am not going to call anyone out by name. Some manners need observed.
First, I was told it was really good. I never made it in when it opened. A close friend and chef I used to work with said the meal he had not two days earlier was good.
How could things go so wrong in only two days?
I was first a little alarmed about the total lack of communication and leadership in the kitchen. Who was in charge of the line? It was near impossible for me to tell. Was anyone setting the tone of the cooking, controlling the quality, leading the charge? Perhaps our ‘chef’ was the dude with the slicked hair and gauged ears, maybe the Asian lesbian chick, perhaps the Asian guy? Who the fuck knew? How many of them had attended (insert much derided culinary school pouring ‘chefs’ into the market)?
On the flat top was a bain marie that they kept their tools in. I for one, am not a big fan of using tongs to manipulate every little thing you cook, but fuck it. Your food is homely and rustic. Feel free to ignore nice technique. However, changing the fucking water is kind of super important. Our Asian girl kept going back to the same bain marie for her tasting spoons and serving spoons. They were the same fucking spoons. Sure, we have done it. But, if you are in an open kitchen try a touch harder to show that you have an idea of hygiene and sanitation. There is nothing artisan or rustic about cooking like a filthy fucking slob. And with people staring straight into your kitchen and at you saying hello or something would not kill you.
The food.
Not one but two different overcooked eggs. But we will get more into that later.
The menu read something about rapini, lemon, soft poached egg, pistachio and locally made ham. It sounded good to me. There was simply a whole lot of rapini on the plate. It was more than any single guest would be able to eat. Nobody could really hope to eat that much rapini. The ham was quite delicious and there were some nice herbs as well. The lemon element seemed to be an emulsion drizzled around the plate. Frankly it needed more to help out with the bitterness of the rapini. The pistachios were almost not present at all.
The egg, the fucking egg, it was a poorly produced Onsen egg. One: why was the yolk overcooked? And two was it supposed to be served cold? For me I would think a warm egg with a properly cooked yolk becoming a sauce for the rapini would be a smarter and more delectable way to go. This was kind of a failure. Yet, like so many things I tasted it was all rooted in potential and good idea and then was mired in poor execution. Theoretically the food was supposed to be simple. There were no foams, no immersion circulators, and no hydrocolloids. Fucking up simple food is almost inexcusable in my eyes.
The chicken livers were fucking good. Watching the cook work with them i saw that they were previously cooked and pressed, likely cooked confit. They had nice texture, crispy. It was a well done dish.
They had something on menu called spicy tartare. Our server said it was not too hot but did have chilies and cayenne in it. Well that sounds good, doesn’t it? Well what came to the table looked like it had been portioned using a 4 ounce ice cream scoop. I imagined a sheet tray full of these scoops of tartare waiting to be dropped in front of some poor guest. The texture was heavy and dense. It was as if it had gotten chopped with a grinder and then had the shit pressed out of it by overworking it. The only flavor was the chilies and the portion was simply enormous. It would have made a nice burger I think. I am fine with grinding large amounts of beef for tartare if you need to. But it needs to be delicate of texture. I want to feel the individuality of the pieces of meat. Some shallot or more herbs to give a bit more variety to the flavor would not have been a bad thing either. Some olive oil would have been a nice addition as well. It truly was one of the most disappointing tartar’s I have ever experienced.
The finale to my meal was something that I continued to feel the after effects for hours to come despite only eating a quarter of it at most.
Coppa wrapped trout, lemon, greens, mushrooms, fried egg, that is what greeted me on the menu. The trout I had was simply bad. I knew it on first bite. It was really mushy and had a musky flavor. My dining companion thought they had cooked it from frozen. My fear and my stomach and bowel’s answer late into my night and into the next day was that it was spoiled in some fashion. I have eaten enough trout in my life to know something was seriously amiss. The mushrooms had grit to them and were not crispy. Who taught them how to cook mushrooms? It was not me that is fucking sure! I love coppa, what was wrapping around that trout was pretty good actually, but kind of muted by the creamy lemon jus that the mushrooms were in. The fish itself was something my bowels will not get over for another 12 to 24 hours. Again I was served a half-assed attempt at cooking eggs.
I liked the idea of the dish a lot. One of my favorite food memories is camping with my family as a kid. My dad woke me up we walked a mile to a small pond and set to fishing. We caught trout and headed back to camp where mom was getting breakfast going. The cast iron skillet was full of bacon. She then fried eggs in the bacon fat and as the fish was so fresh dredged it in corn meal and cooked it in the same fat. So, I suppose my hopes were rather high for the meal. The egg I got at that evening looked cooked right…from the top. Flipping it over it was obvious the sunnyside up egg was hard cooked on the bottom. The dish could have been very good. a properly cooked egg, a trout that was not bad. Mushrooms clean and cooked right. It would have been a winner.
Could I have sent the fish back? Could I have mentioned something to the management? Sure, but I am not that kind of asshole. Instead I will anonymously complain and bitch about the meal I had without actually calling the place out. I am not that kind of asshole. Those assholes need the shit kicked out of them. This is just me venting. Was it just an off night for the kitchen and restaurant? Perhaps, but I am not about to give them another chance. There are just too many dining options these days. That is the lesson I think that should be learned. People have so many choices every single time they decide to eat out, so cooks, servers, and restaurateurs, try to minimize your bad nights. This place will be fine without my patronage.
After reading this review, it all became clear to me. Chef’s notice everything and expect perfection when they dine out. I think this is why as chef’s we love to cook for other chefs. We appreciate their honesty and attention to detail. It is nice to have your food critiqued by someone who actually knows what they are talking about. We can respect another chef telling us our food is overcooked and under seasoned. We can’t respect some asshole who likes to eat out and has a journalism degree. Or even worse, considers them self a “foodie.” Websites like Yelp and Citysearch are even worse. They open up restaurant reviews to every dumbass out there that thinks they’re the next Ruth Reichl. The bottom line is more media outlets should hire restaurant reviewers that know what they are talking about. Afterall, you wouldn’t hire an Amish chick to write for the sports section, would you?
It’s time to hurt some feelings. For all of you who have a whimsical view of what goes on every night in a restaurant kitchen, please prepare yourself to be crushed. Your perception will definitely be changed after reading this. I mean not to scare you away, but rather to educate you. I want to wash your brain free of the ideas that ”the food network” and “culinary reality shows” have implanted upon you. You have been warned.
Myth #1
When you eat at a celebrity chefs’ restaurant, they are actually back in the kitchen preparing your meal.
- Do you really think when you sit down at Emeril’s, his fat ass is actually back there cooking your jambalaya? You are greatly mistaken. Not only has he probably not been in that restaurant in months, but when he actually pops in for a few hours he is certainly not working the line. He is probably shaking hands and signing copies of his newest book. The good news is that the people these “chefs” hire to run their kitchens are probably better cooks than they are anyway. Not only are they responsible for running the restaurant on a daily basis, but they have to maintain a higher standard than most other kitchens. They are paid to make the restaurant operate in a way that you believe those celebrities are back there working hard.
Myth #2
Hell’s Kitchen shows what it is really like to work in a kitchen
- That show is complete bullshit. They hire the dumbest people possible to ensure they fuck up everything. Then after Chef Ramsay puts on his fresh jacket and gets his makeup done, he seems disappointed in the talent he has working in his restaurant. In a real kitchen the chef never “shuts it down,” and closes the kitchen. If you walk off the line in the middle of service, you will never be called into a strategically placed little room so the chef can yell at you and make you cry. And by the way, when was the last time you heard anything about anyone of the winners of that stupid show.
Myth #3
My server has had the chance to sample everything on the menu and I can trust their recommendations.
- I’d say that less than a quarter of all servers know what they’re talking about when they make a recommendation. They are given the opportunity to taste every dish on the menu, but most of them don’t pay attention while they are tasting and having the dish explained to them. They are too busy ravaging at the chance of a free meal. They are also offered the chance to eat the majority of items on the menu at an extreme discount either pre or post shift, but they rarely take the opportunity to eat through the menu. Usually they order the lamest or cheapest dish on the menu over and over again. Let me tell you that there are servers out there that do not operate this way, but most do.
Myth #4
High end kitchens are full of passionate culinary school graduates who aspire to be great chefs.
- The truth is, most fine dining restaurants are full of hard-working hispanic cooks that will cook the food the way the chef wants it cooked, night after night and without question. They will work twice as hard as most culinary graduates and for a fraction of the cost to the restaurant. Again, there are definite exceptions to my claims, but for the most part kitchens are made up of Juan’s not John’s.
